Letting Go of Being Invisible

Opening Up to the Field of New Possibilities

An ocean of voices that scream and shout, remaining in place, yet fight to standout. A singular note begins silently, within the collective, hidden, unseen. Desperate to be heard above the waves, daring to hope, to standout, and be saved. Not just a struggle in attempt to get by but through truth, love, and passion, a spark of creation ignites and lights up the sky.

I used to dream about being part of a brand, heavily involved in the creative output that was released but invisible to the outside world. Only known by a few co-creators behind the scenes. Perhaps like many, I started out wanting to be seen, like the poem above describes. However, as time and experience began to shape me into adulthood, I assigned the feeling of being invisible to a sense of freedom. A freedom to immerse myself in the work, without distraction, explanation, or resistance.

In the beginning, the cost of wanting to be unseen seemed very low. It began as a way to hide the pain I was carrying from others. For many years I was exposed to toxic mold within the walls of two different places I had lived. My friend Kyle used to say I was the “luckiest unluckiest person he had ever met.” In all, it is a very long tale but for the sake of brevity, no one knew what was happening and it almost killed me. There were numerous occasions when I would have a procedure or test and one of the staff would say, “You should be on that TV show House.” A popular show at the time about solving mysterious illnesses.

As my health continued to deteriorate without a cause, it seemed easier at the time to hide as much as I could from as many people as possible. I also thought I’d be sparing them from worry. In hindsight, it is easy to see how misguided that was. Even if you are really good at hiding your pain, people can still sense when something is wrong and it only makes it harder on yourself and those around you.

One day by some miracle, two men who were painting one of the rooms, removed a vent and proceeded to climb up into the attic. Within seconds one of the men almost passed out. There wasn’t an odor just toxic black mold hidden inside the walls that had been accumulating for a very long time. Once it was discovered I moved out and began the long road of recovery.

Up to this point, the music was still with me. Even if I wasn’t feeling well enough to sing or play an instrument. I would quietly hum new songs or hear them played out in my head. However, as I struggled to cope with the reality of my situation, I lost faith and the music stopped for a time.

After that I had various jobs or careers mostly in technology: website design, database administration, tech support, automation but the desire to hide only increased. On more than one occasion I would take what was deemed an impossible task by my peers and build a program from scratch that could solve for it. The success did not translate to me however because all my energy was spent in wanting to hide. Every time I was given a compliment or credit for something I had built, I would defer it to another because I didn’t want to be seen. I loathed end of year reports and self promotion because it was all about being visible.

My saving grace during all this was the music, it had come back into my life. I began looking over old notebooks of songs I had written long ago. I started to assemble them into concept albums. Worked on updating or re-writing the lyrics to include the substance of experience that was gained. Very soon I was ready to begin recording, it was possibly the greatest act of persistence I had endured to date. I remember working 70 hour weeks in my day job. Then after work, record track by track in a make-shift studio I built, so as not to disturb the neighbors. Apart from one song, I recorded every vocal and instrument track on the album.

After almost recording the whole album, there was an electrical surge that burnt out my computer hard-drive and my backup hard drive that was plugged in at the time. I had to start recording all over again. Eventually I did, determined to make the album better than the original recorded version that was lost. Every spare moment was consumed with trying to complete the album. It was no longer a side project or fun distraction but an inner calling, something that had to be completed.

While all this was going on, the cost of wanting to be unseen was peaking to an almost all time high. The challenge of providing for yourself while wanting to remain unnoticed. It consumed so much energy, I was exhausted all the time. The simplest tasks seemed monumental. Between work, the album, isolating myself and mentally coping with the toll of being sick for so long. It was reaching a breaking point, the album stalled, the area of business I worked for was shutting down, the stress was taking a mental and physical toll and yet something was happening behind the scenes.

I slowly became aware of a whole universe I didn’t even know existed, the universe of: metaphysics, manifestation, the power of thought and feeling and with an act of gratitude it changed my life forever. I found happiness, inner peace (most days), finished the album and for the first time ever, professionally releasing my music to the world.

The first single, Gemini was released on May 30th, 2025.

The second single, Streamline Sad Sally will release on June 27th.

The third single, I Will Still Love You will release on July 25th.

And at long last, the album that I have waited 20 years to record. Played until my fingers bled and sang track after track until I could barely speak.

Spark In The Dark will be released on August 29th, 2025.

As I was creating this Substack publication and social media channels, I kept everything hidden behind Arcane Airoplane because it was safe, familiar, and allowed me to remain hidden. It wasn’t until someone very special to me called me out on it and asked, “why are you still hiding?” I didn’t have a good answer and made every excuse to try and explain why I shouldn’t be visible. Ultimately this person helped me to realize that I was not honoring the music of Arcane Airoplane or myself by remaining hidden and it was time to step out of the shadows.

So here is to finally letting go of being invisible. My name is Jon Agen, I am the creator of Arcane Airoplane and its music.